Anyone Can Be a Father, But Are You “Dad”?

Being present is just the first step to earning the title of ‘dad’

Photo by Picsea on Unsplash

I’m one of those kids who woke up one day realizing that dad was no longer there. I was almost six years old. One of the most valuable lessons I learned was what NOT to do. That feeling was terrible. Growing up, my father’s absence weighed heavily on me. Who was I supposed to look up to? How was I supposed to act and defend my family? By running away?

Nah. Hard pass.

I made a commitment as a young man that if I were to have children, I would never leave them and do what my father did only having them visit for a few weeks each summer. I ended up having three children. All of whom I love to no end. Now that they’re grown, I often look back at what I accomplished as a father, and being present was one of my biggest achievements.

Why does something so simple seem like such a big deal? Being present is just the first step in being available for every trial and tribulation a child will go through. I was there for the hardest moments, the simplest, and the proudest times of their lives. Through each and every struggle I was there for them without question — never doubting their resolve and guiding them based on lessons I learned throughout my life, which was not an easy one.

I watched my brothers go through much of what my dad went through. Divorces, separation from their kids, and everything that comes with those. I also watched my nieces and nephews struggle to come to terms with not having their fathers around daily, even if from a distance. This is not to say they’re not good dads, but being present is not only more expensive than any amount of child support paid, it’s also much more time-consuming.

When you have kids, the first thing you have to come to terms with is giving up much of the social life you once knew. No more hanging out at the bar, no more parties, no more freedom, etc. Your kids become the priority. Or, at least they should. Raising kids is a serious and lifelong task that doesn’t end until the day you die. Even now, with my kids in their 20s, my responsibility and commitment to them is unending.

The things we go through coming up to parenthood are what we are supposed to try…